My Life

 I'm excited for the future, but I'm also scared. I hate school, as many do. It doesn't suit me as I feel actual work would. School is just like work, but no one respects you, HR sucks, and you don't get a paycheck. Every time I enter a new environment, from nursery to primary school to secondary school, every time I have hope. Hope that things will change. I never understood why nothing ever felt right. At the start, there was a honeymoon phase. The beginning of something new, blind joy. But as with people, the longer you stay or look, the more flaws begin to protrude through  the surface. From bullying, to stress, to puberty. I want to pursue childcare. Which, if you know me personally, sounds absolutely ridiculous. I will admit that I am quite vulgar and immature in my words and comedy. But I believe that due to my autism, and therefore my ability to mask, I can change my demeanour quite quickly. Especially toward essential workers and children. Not because what I fe...

  Me I have no intention to become famous or popular with this. I struggle with depression, anxiety, and autism. All of which affect me greatly. Painful. I have a lot of thoughts, and nowhere to put them, so perhaps this is the best for me. After all, I am always told that talking and expressing my emotions is healthy. I frankly expect no one to read this. I am no one special. And I don't mean it in a "Woe is me" respect. I try not to dwell on my sadness, it doesn't help anyone.  Sometimes I wonder why I am here. What leads me to what I do. I'm not religious, though I come from a Christian Methodist family, which is a very important specification in my country, for silly reasons. Nor am I someone spiritual. Though I'm not sure how I feel if "fate" exists. My close family is very devoted to science, with my sister studying zoology, my mum working in a university, and my dad working in IT. So most have the stoic view of "what happens, happens...